H is for Hebron, by Amaranth Traces

Special thanks to Thraesja for the speedy and effective beta.

Jacob wanted to be angry.

He was really trying.

He'd be successful if it wasn't for a certain parasite and its annoying tendency to meddle with his brain chemistry.

"I heard that."

"Damn it, Selmak," thought Jacob. "You should be angry too." He walked through the open doorway and slammed his fist against the crystalline wall of his chamber. It gave a distinctly unsatisfying thump.

"Calm down."

"Anise knew. She knew all along. She deliberately made an innocent man host to a Goa'uld."

"We don't know that."

"Did you miss the way she was looking at us? Why else did they send us away on that stupid, pointless, and conveniently timed mission?"

Selmak's only response was to send another wave of calm through his body.

He shook his shoulders, trying to physically rid himself of the sensation. "There's no way she ever believed Tanith had been converted to the ways of the Tok'ra. They're lying to us."

Images flashed through Jacob's mind. Conversations falling silent as they approached. Non-critical missions. Too-quick smiles. Behind the images, Selmak's consciousness pressed through, "I know."

"Oh," Jacob said aloud.

"I'm sorry." Jacob reached back and massaged his neck. Selmak's body rippled appreciatively under his fingers. "I just feel for Hebron. Trapped in his own body, forced to watch, helpless and oppressed."

There was a pause before Selmak replied. "Do I make you feel that way?"

"It's not the same thing."

"That's not an answer, dear friend."

Jacob sat heavily on the edge of his sleeping platform. "Sometimes. Maybe a little. But it's really not the same thing."

"You have kept that from me."

"Nice to know I have a few secrets left."

"I have sensed your discomfort in certain situations and have allowed you to maintain control even when the other Tok'ra would expect to be speaking directly to me. But I never fully understood the reason for your feelings."

"I just don't like being out of control." Jacob was standing again and began pacing the room. "I'm getting used to it. But my point is that if I have trouble with you in my head - someone who respects me, someone I like, someone who keeps me calm so that I don't start a riot - if I feel it to some degree, for Hebron it must be a million times worse."

The pacing wasn't helping, so Jacob sat down once more. "I couldn't even..." He sighed. "I couldn't even imagine."

"The High Council undoubtedly saw it as a no-lose opportunity. We would either acquire a new ally or gain a method feeding false information to the Goa'uld."

"You agree with them?"

"I never doubted the High Council until I blended with you."

Jacob couldn't help but smile. "That’s not an answer, my friend."

"How is it that a man with your strong military background has such a problem with authority?"

"I don't have a problem with authority. I have a problem with people doing the wrong thing."

"When Tanith's usefulness ends, I am confident that the High Council will remove him and free Hebron."

"Who, in the meantime, is left to suffer untold horrors."

"We cannot change what's been done."

Jacob swung his legs up and lay back on his sleeping platform, draping one arm over his eyes and finally embracing the calm Selmak was exuding. "That doesn't mean I have to like it."

"No, we certainly don't."

Sleep edged closer, welcomed by both. Pointless as it was, the mission had still been long and tiring.

"Selmak?"

"Yes?"

"I'm glad I have you in my life. And my head."

"As am I."

FINI