A Life Unlived, by Amaranth Traces

-- Chapter 4 --

Sam’s mind reeled. This must be an alternate reality. “When was the program shut down? Why?”

Daniel stood up and took her hands. “Maybe we should get you back to the hospital.”

“Daniel, please. You promised that you wouldn’t assume I was crazy.”

“I’m just worried about you, Sam.”

“Please, I need to figure out what’s going on. I feel fine, really,”

He looked at her doubtfully.

“Well, except for remembering things a little differently, just – please just talk to me.” She tugged on his hands, urging him to sit down again.

Reluctantly, he sat down and answered all of her questions.

Sam’s first and only mission through the Stargate seemed to be the point at which this reality had diverged from her own. Daniel explained that after he had shown Sam, Jack and Kawalsky the cartouche room on Abydos, Jack had grown frustrated with the scientific discussion between Sam and Daniel. Jack had told them just do whatever it was that they had to do, and then he and Kawalsky had gone back to the Stargate.

Daniel sighed and hung his head to his chest before he continued. “To this day, I don’t know what really happened.”

Sam squeezed his arm gently. “What do you mean?”

“We—when we finally left the cartouche room and went back to join the others at the Stargate—” Daniel took a shuddering breath, “They were dead. All of them.” He looked at her, his eyes gleaming with unshed tears. “Someone had come through the Stargate – someone who looked a lot like Ra. It didn’t make sense, though. Many of the aliens had been killed by gunfire, and all of the humans died of wounds from those staff energy weapons that the aliens had. But several of the aliens had also been hit with the staff blasts. It seemed like the Ra-look-alike had survived the longest. He was found lying over the dialling device. He had injuries from both gunfire and staff weapons. It doesn’t make any sense.” Daniel shook his head as if to clear his confusion.

“Everyone was dead? Colonel O’Neill? Sha’re?”

“Yes,” he whispered. “It was a massacre. We were the only ones to make it back to Earth alive.” Daniel sighed heavily and looked at her apologetically. “We don’t talk about this very much.”

Sam felt her heart go out to him, “I’m so sorry, Daniel,” she said softly. After a moment, she continued, “I think I know what happened.”

He looked at her, surprised, “You do?”

“I remember things differently, but I’d be willing to bet that you found staff blasts on the humans and on the Jaffa because of Teal’c.”

“Teal’c?”

“He was the First Prime of Apophis.” She caught his confused look. “Your Ra-look-alike. It sounds like Teal’c chose that moment to rebel against Apophis, although I can’t imagine why he would have thought that would be a strategically sound time.” She considered the problem. “Maybe Colonel O’Neill said something to make him...” Sam’s voice trailed off.

Deciding there were more important things to address right now, Sam turned to face Daniel. “What happened after we got back to Earth?”

“They buried the Stargate. All information about it was classified at a level so deep that even the President would have to cut through a lot of red tape to get at it,” he answered. “We were diagnosed with what they call ‘survivor’s guilt’ and were sent to various shrinks to help us heal. Ultimately though, we found that the only people who could really help us cope were each other.” Daniel squeezed her hand. “You resigned your commission and the government has been paying us a comfortable pension in exchange for our continued silence about the project. We get called to do the occasional lecture, you more often than I, of course.” He smiled at her. “A year and almost three months ago, we got married.”

She didn’t return his smile and Daniel studied her face intently. “How do you remember things?”

She shook her head and looked into his eyes. “Abydos was a disaster, but not as bad as you said. Several of us made it back to Earth, but Sha’re and Skaara were taken and made hosts for Goa’uld symbiotes. We went on a mission to save them, but we were captured. Teal’c rebelled against Apophis at that point and saved our lives. He joined our efforts against the Goa’uld. The Stargate program has been running for years. We’ve made enemies, yes, but also powerful allies like the Tok’ra and the Asgard.”

“And you and I are married?”

Sam bit her lip. “Um...no. We’re uh...we’re really, really good friends.”

“Oh.” Daniel moved slightly to sit farther from her on the sofa and hung his head. “So, I’m still married to Sha’re, then?” he asked softly.

Sam sighed. “No. She died a year and a half ago.”

Pain and confusion flickered across his face, and Sam placed a gentle hand on his arm. “But she wasn’t Sha’re anymore, Daniel. She was host to the Goa’uld Amonet. There was nothing that any of us could have done for her.”

“And after she died, we never—” His voice faltered and he hung his head again.

Sam rubbed his back, trying to comfort him. “Daniel, I’m sorry. I know this is hard. It’s hard for both of us.”

“Where’s my Sam?” His voice was hoarse.

She was surprised by his words. Usually, when she heard a man refer to a woman as ‘his’ she experienced feelings of revulsion. But hearing Daniel refer to Sam as ‘his’ didn’t leave that same sour feeling in her stomach. He wasn’t being possessive; he was full of love. Under different circumstances, she might even come to like it.

“I—I don’t know,” she answered honestly. He looked dejectedly at her and she felt her heart break for him. “Maybe I am your Sam,” she said without thinking. “I mean, I am pregnant.” That statement seemed strange to her ears, but she continued. “Maybe something happened that just screwed up my memory. Like some crazy form of amnesia, or—or delusions, or something.” She knew she was grasping at straws, but she couldn’t stand to see him so sad.

Daniel seemed to regain hope with her words; Sam pulled him into a hug. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face into her neck. “Maybe I can help you remember,” he said.

She pulled back and saw that he was smiling. She smiled in return. “I hope so.”

And she was surprised to realise that she actually meant it.

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