A Life Unlived, by Amaranth Traces

-- Chapter 8 --

Half an hour later, Sam was still crying.

Someone knocked on her door. “Sam?” came Daniel’s voice. “Sam, are you okay?”

It was no use pretending that she wasn’t there. She knew he could probably hear her sobs through the door. “Please go away,” she choked out.

“Sam, please tell me what’s wrong. How can I help?”

“Daniel, please. Just—just go away,” Sam couldn’t bear to see him – the man who had been her husband for more than five years. Five years that never happened. There was a long pause before she heard him slowly walk away.

Sam spent the night in her office and the next day, she summoned all of her Air Force training, determined to remain in control of herself. She successfully avoided Daniel all morning, but after lunch he managed to corner her in her office.

“Sam,” he started.

“Daniel, I’m really busy right now,” she said, keeping her back to him.

“Yeah, I’m not buying it, Sam” He waited patiently, watching her in silence.

Sam sighed and turned to face him. “Daniel, I know you’re just trying to help—I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but you’re really making this worse. I’ll be fine. I just—I can’t talk about this with you. I’m sorry.”

She could tell Daniel was hurt, though he tried not to show it. “Okay,” he said quietly. “If you change your mind, you know where to find me.” Sam didn’t blame him for being hurt. They were always able to talk to each other about anything. It wasn’t like her to shut him out.

He left and she tried to get some work done. Sam pulled out a pad of paper, intending to make some notes on the device that she was trying to figure out. Instead, she found herself sketching the face that was haunting her. She looked down at her drawing of Jonathan wistfully, unshed tears again burning her eyes.

She looked up as another knock came to her door. Sam turned to see Teal’c standing in her doorway.

“Teal’c, what can I do for you?”

“On the contrary, Major Carter. I am here to see what I can do for you.”

She looked quizzically at him.

“Daniel Jackson suggested that you may need to speak with someone. I have observed that you usually discuss matters that concern you with him. However, Daniel Jackson was adamant that it would be best if I approached you instead.”

Sam sighed as she thought of how sweet and thoughtful Daniel was—in any reality.

“I’m fine, Teal’c. Thanks.”

“In truth, Major Carter, you appear to be far from ‘fine’.”

The concern in his voice overwhelmed her and she broke down into tears.

Teal’c hesitated a moment before reaching out to put an arm around her shoulders. She turned and buried her face in his chest. He held her shuddering form in silence for several minutes until she pulled away. She turned to grab the pad of paper from her desk and clutched it to her chest.

“Teal’c, how long was I unconscious?”

“Approximately fifteen seconds."

“Fifteen seconds?”

“Indeed.”

Sam processed this information. “Fifteen seconds,” she repeated.

“Do you not believe me, Major Carter?”

Sam looked at her Jaffa friend. “It’s not that, Teal’c. It’s just—for me, it seemed a lot longer.”

Teal’c raised a curious eyebrow and Sam boggled at how that simple movement could express so much.

She licked her lips before beginning. “In those fifteen seconds of unconsciousness, I lived more than five years. It was like an alternate reality. Things on Abydos—well they didn’t happen the same way they did here.” Sam shook her head. “Daniel and I were married. Jonathan...” She showed him her drawing and touched it with a trembling hand. “He was our son.”

Sam paused a moment to swallow the tears that were threatening to take over again. “But none of it was real. That whole life never happened. It couldn’t have happened. Not in fifteen seconds.”

Teal’c had remained silent during her explanation. He examined the picture she held and then turned his eyes to her. “Major Carter, I was not aware that you had such fine artistic skills.”

She laughed softly. “Oh, I’ve been taking classes—” She stopped herself and stared at her friend. I never took those classes...not in this life anyway.

“How did I draw that?” she asked, talking to herself more than to Teal’c. “My skills in this life are limited to stick figures.” She looked up at him again. Was it real? Was it possible?

“Teal’c, I don’t know what to do. Do I just ignore my memories of the last 5 years – memories of a reality that never existed? How can I do that? Jonathan...my wonderful Jonathan. And Daniel. He has no idea – I don’t want to lose his friendship, but I don’t know how to – or do I tell him about it? He’ll think I’m crazy...”

The words were falling out of her mouth; she knew she wasn’t making much sense. She looked up at her warrior friend and sighed. “What do I do, Teal’c?”

He paused for a moment. Sam’s eyes pleaded with him.

“Major Carter,” he said finally. “Secrets and lies only serve to keep people distant. I believe that if you truly wish to maintain your friendship with Daniel Jackson, then you should share your experience with him. I have come to know Daniel Jackson quite well over the last several years and I am certain that he would be sympathetic and understanding. I believe that you know this as well.”

Sam had never heard Teal’c speak so many words at once. She realised that he was a wonderful person to talk to. He really listened, just like Daniel, and his more than 100 years of life had given him a wealth of experience from which to draw advice.

“You’re right,” she said finally. “Thank you, Teal’c. You’re a great friend.” Sam gave him a quick hug before picking up the drawing of Jonathan and heading out the door. I have to do this now before I lose my nerve.

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