Tortured Soul, by Amaranth Traces

-- Chapter 6 --

She was shaking so hard. I held Sam as she cried. I had been going mad with worry while she was gone. Now, she was home. There was a long road ahead, but she had made the first step already. Through the pain, through the fear, she had taken the first step back to us.

Over Sam’s shoulder, I saw Janet still standing at the foot of the bed. She gave me a pointed look, and I nodded. I would be fine with Sam while Janet gave General Hammond an update on her condition.

I stroked Sam’s hair and neck, not wanting my hand to stray near the bruises that no doubt painted her back.

“You’re home, Sam. You’re finally home. You’re going to be okay.” I whispered every reassuring thing I could think of to her. She was clutching at the back of my shirt, her tears wetting my neck.

What had Cronus done to her? She had seemed like a wild animal when she first woke up. She kept screaming that we couldn’t trick her. And, now, her disbelief that all of this was ‘real’...

Jack entered the infirmary, interrupting my thoughts. Sam’s trembling intensified.

Teal’c and General Hammond followed Jack. Janet smiled apologetically from behind them. I couldn’t blame her. Even the threat of her largest needles wouldn’t be likely to keep them out right now. They gathered around Sam’s bed as I tried to calm her down.

Sam pulled slightly away from me, and her eyes darted from one visitor to another. She seemed terrified. Her fingers dug into my shoulder and I tried not to react as my bullet wound protested.

“They...are they real too?” Her voice was a fierce whisper in my ear.

My stomach knotted. She didn’t think she could trust them. Thank God I had somehow managed to get through to her. I could help her trust the others. I glanced at the people watching us before I looked into her eyes again. “Yes, Sam. They’re real. You’re home. You’re safe. You’re with your friends.”

Her eyes searched mine, and I watched as some of the panic left them. She released her death-grip on my shoulder, her arm dropping to my waist. She turned to the others.

“G–General Hammond.”

“Major Carter. How are you feeling?” The General looked like he was trying to control his emotions. I had long suspected that he cared more about the members of SG-1 than was really allowed by Air Force regulations. It seemed I was right.

“I–I’m sorry for my...my earlier actions, sir. I–I thought...I thought–”

I waited for her to finish, but she dropped into silence. What did they do to you, Sam?

“That’s alright, Major. What matters most is that you’re back, and you’re safe.”

Sam nodded slowly. “Thank you, s–sir.”

“You’ve all been through more than enough the last couple of months. I’m putting SG-1 on stand-down until further notice. I want you all to get some rest.” General Hammond turned to Janet and continued quietly, “Dr. Frasier, I want a full report on her condition.”

Janet nodded, and Hammond turned back to Sam.

“It’s good to have you back, Major.” He gave her a fatherly smile.

Sam returned his smile weakly, “It’s good to be back, General. Thank you.”

General Hammond nodded and then left the infirmary.

“How you feeling, Carter?” Jack asked quietly.

“Um...I’m fine, sir.”

Jack rolled his eyes. “Carter.” It figured that he wouldn’t let Sam get away with being ‘fine’ either.

“I’ll be okay, sir.”

That answer seemed to satisfy Jack a little more. Sam turned to Teal’c.

“Teal’c...I–I’m sorry. I–”

“You do not need to apologise for your actions, Major Carter. Like General Hammond, I am relieved that we were able to rescue you from your confinement. My only regret is that we were unable to do so sooner. I would like you to know that I will do everything in my power to assist in your recovery.”

Sam smiled slightly as Jack nodded. “I’m with Teal’c. Is there anything we can do?”

Sam swallowed, hard. “I–I really don’t know, sir.”

Jack studied her for a moment. I saw his eyes move over her injuries and how tightly her arm was wrapped around my waist. He sighed. “Well, if you need anything, just holler.”

She nodded, and Jack and Teal’c left. I glanced at Janet and then turned back to Sam. She was staring at me; she looked nervous.

“You okay?”

She shook her head, tears again forming in her eyes. It must be bad if she was admitting she wasn’t okay. Her arm tightened around my waist, and I let her pull me closer. I hugged her gently.

“You need to get some rest.”

I felt her shake her head against my neck.

“You must be exhausted.”

That was a nod.

“Don’t want to sleep,” she mumbled into my shoulder.

I started to pull away, but she clung to me.

“No, please Daniel...”

“Shh, Sam. It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.” I looked again at Janet, standing patiently by the end of the bed. “Janet needs to make sure that you’re okay.”

She shook her head again.

“Sam, you know Janet would never hurt you.”

She turned her head to Janet, who was smiling softly at us.

“I just want to check a few things, Sam. It won’t hurt, and it’ll be over quickly. I promise.”

Sam finally pulled away, but she caught my hand, holding it very tightly. Was it possible that I was the only one that was truly real to her right now? All because of a cup of coffee? I looked over at Janet, questioning.

“It’s okay, Sam. Daniel can stay here during the exam if you’d like.”

She seemed to calm down at Janet’s words. I held Sam’s hands and smiled at her. My eyes never left hers as the doctor gave her the medical once-over.

Janet finished quickly, and, after a few encouraging words, she went to write her report for General Hammond.

Sam gave me a nervous smile and looked down at our hands. “Sorry,” she said as she loosened her very tight grip.

“We’re the ones who should be apologizing, Sam. I wish we had been able to get you out sooner.” I sighed, angry at myself for failing her. A tear escaped the battle I had been waging against crying, and I felt it roll down my cheek.

She lifted a shaky hand and removed the drop with her index finger. She held her finger in front of her face and examined it, rubbing her thumb on the tear. “I almost killed you,” she whispered.

Damn. “But you didn’t, Sam. I’m fine.” She didn’t look up. Time to try another tactic. “Besides, I think Janet’s been looking for an excuse to fuss over me. It’s been what, months since the last time I almost died? I was overdue.”

She seemed lost in thought for a moment, and then she looked at me with a small smile. Her eyes gleamed with hope.

“Can I have some more coffee?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, it’s pretty cold now.” I glanced at the mugs on the nearby table. “Would you like me to get you a fresh cup?”

Fear flashed across her face, but she nodded slowly. “Please?”

“Okay. I won’t be long.” I smiled and gave her a half-nod, silently asking if she would be okay.

She offered a shaky smile and a small nod, pulling the bed sheet up to her chin.

I watched her for a moment and then went to tell Janet that I’d be right back.

It took less than five minutes to get to my office, fill two mugs with hot coffee and then arrive back at the infirmary. When I returned, Sam’s bed was empty.

Panic gripped me. “Sam?”

Janet stood up from where she had been crouching, out of my sight, behind Sam’s empty bed.

“What happened? Where’s Sam?”

Janet raised her hands in a calming gesture and pointed under the bed. I put the mugs down and crouched to the floor. “Sam?”

Panicked blue-grey eyes peered out at me. “Daniel?”

She had her back against the wall. Her knees were pulled up to her chin, her arms hugging them tightly. She was trembling fiercely and rocking back and forth.

“What are you doing under there?” I reached out my good arm. “Come on.”

She hesitated a moment before placing her quivering hand in mine. I helped her back onto the bed and glanced quickly at Janet. The doctor looked relieved.

“What happened?”

Sam swallowed. “Sorry...”

“Sam, please stop apologizing. It’s okay.” I said softly, trying to make my point gently. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

She seemed confused by that question and shook her head.

“Okay. How about some coffee?” I picked up one of the mugs, offering it to her.

She gave me a tentative smile and took the mug in her shaking hands. I watched as she took her first sip. Then, satisfied she wasn’t going to spill the hot liquid all over herself, I picked up my own mug.

“This is good,” she murmured before taking another sip.

I smiled. “Thanks.”

“Everything...it all looked and felt real...but the smells, the tastes...” Sam made a disgusted face.

She was talking. Sooner than I had expected, too. I stayed quiet, not wanting to discourage her from continuing.

Sam took another sip of her coffee. “This tastes good,” she said firmly. She looked up at me, hope and a question again in her eyes. “It’s real."

I nodded. “Yes. It’s real.”

She smiled at me and drank some more.

I looked up at Janet, who was observing us quietly. I could tell she wasn’t pleased about the coffee. She was always trying to get me to give it up, and she never let me touch it in the infirmary. But I also knew that Janet understood that the coffee was what had finally managed to get through to Sam. It seemed to be keeping her grounded.

She saw me looking at her and raised an eyebrow. I shrugged and took another sip. Janet shook her head at me but smiled.

Sam finished her coffee and yawned despite the caffeine just introduced into her system. She must have been exhausted.

“I think you could use some sleep.” I took her empty mug and set it down on the table next to her bed.

She nodded absently, and I helped her get comfortable in the bed. I pulled my chair closer to the bed and sat down. Sam took my hand and squeezed it tightly.

I gave her hand a gentle answering squeeze. “Sleep, Sam.”

“You should really get some sleep yourself, Daniel.” I turned to Janet, who was still standing at the foot of Sam’s bed.

“Thanks Janet, but I’m fine.”

“You need rest for your shoulder to heal properly.”

Damn it, why did she have to say that. I turned back to Sam, who was frowning. She looked at the sling holding my arm against my body and released my hand.

“Go sleep, Daniel.”

I looked at her, concerned. The last time I left, she ended up under her bed. “I’m really okay. I can stay.”

“Please, I’ll be fine. Really.”

I studied her and decided on a compromise. “How about I stay until you fall asleep?”

Sam smiled widely and nodded. I took her hand once more as she settled back onto her pillow. She stared at me from under heavy eyelids. I watched as sleep quickly took her.

About half an hour later, Janet returned again. She glanced at Sam to confirm she was sleeping soundly and then beckoned for me to follow her. I gently removed my hand from Sam’s and followed the doctor into her office.

“Daniel, I still don’t know what happened to Sam. Do you?”

“Not really. All she’s told me so far is what she said while you were there.” I glanced out the door towards the bed were Sam lay. “The torture is obvious. Physical, mental, emotional...but I don’t know any of the details.”

“Yeah, she hasn’t spoken to me about it either. Her blood work shows the presence of a chemical similar to the Blood of Sokar. That, plus her behaviour earlier makes me think that Cronus may have induced a hallucinatory state in an effort to gain information. I asked her if she wanted to talk about her experience, but she hid under the bed.”

That explained a lot. I cast another look in Sam’s direction and sighed. “She’ll talk, when she’s ready.”

“Will you be ready when she is?”

“What?” I turned back to Janet, confused.

“I don’t think she’s going to talk to me about this. Even though we’re good friends, I think she’s afraid of what I’ll put in an official report.”

That was understandable. How many times had I not divulged information to Janet for fear of what would go into an official report? An image of Hathor flashed through my mind. I cleared my throat and straightened my glasses.

Janet continued, thankfully not noticing my discomfort. “The bottom line is that I think that when she’s ready to talk, it’ll be you that she talks to. Are you okay with that?”

“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Janet paused a moment, studying me. I knew how hard it was to help someone deal with trauma like this. We all did. She knew that. I had been through more than enough ordeals myself, and Sam was always there to get me through it. She had even helped me with the aftermath of the Hathor...incident.

Finally, she patted my good arm and smiled. “No reason at all. But, if you feel overwhelmed, I’m here as back-up for both of you, okay?”

“Thanks, Janet. Sam’s lucky to have a friend like you.”

“And you too, Daniel.”

Janet smiled and urged me to go get some rest. I had to admit, I was pretty exhausted. I headed to my office and lay down on my sofa. The last couple of months finally caught up with me, and I quickly fell asleep.

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